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jokes
Sept 6, 2005 10:51:39 GMT -5
Post by Daniel Mushahsd on Sept 6, 2005 10:51:39 GMT -5
All the kids are suppost to get it wrong, and the teacher goes "well, no, close, but we can see what you where thinking"
so that when the teacher get's it wrong about the match, Johnny gets to say that to here.
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jokes
Sept 7, 2005 7:39:00 GMT -5
Post by Twistyville on Sept 7, 2005 7:39:00 GMT -5
OHHHHHHH Here ill go find this one i read today it was great i know ull all love it
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jokes
Sept 7, 2005 7:44:41 GMT -5
Post by Twistyville on Sept 7, 2005 7:44:41 GMT -5
A new tax inspector is eager to make a name for himself. So he decides to review the tax returns of the local synagogue. He interrogates the rabbi, asking him what the synagogue does with the wax drippings from shabbat, havdallah and chanukah candles. The rabbi, pleased to show the inspector nothing goes to waste, responds that the wax used is collected and sent to the candle factory down the road, hich in turn sends the temple new candles. What about the crumbs from the matzo you eat at Passover? asks the inspector. Simple says the rabbi. we collect them and send them to the matzo bakery and in return the send us matzo meals. All Right! says tha inspector refusing to give up. I know that ur a mother as well as a rabbi. what do u do with the left overs from the circumcisions??
Easy! replies the rabbi. We send them to the tax office and that send us little pricks like u!
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jokes
Sept 7, 2005 7:51:51 GMT -5
Post by Twistyville on Sept 7, 2005 7:51:51 GMT -5
This ones the good one i was talking about tho..
George W. Bush is visiting an elemetory skewl and spends time in one of the classrooms. the children are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. the teacher asks bush if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of a word.. bush says whats the meaning of the word "Tradgedy". One little boy stands up and says, " if my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car runs him over, That would be a tradgedy. No. says bush that would be an accident. A little girl raises her handand says " if a school bus carrying fifty children drove of a cliff killing everyone involved that would be a tragedy.
Afraid not says bush. that would be called a great loss.
The room goies silent. no other children volunteer. Bushes eyes scan the room and he asks.. Isnt their someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy??
A small boy in the back of the room raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says. " If air force one, carrying Mr and Mrs bush was struck by and missle and blown to smitherines, by Osama Bin Laden. That Would be a tragedy.
Fantastic!! says bush. Thats right, and can u tell me why that would be a tradgedy?? he asks
"Well" says the boy, Becuase it wouldnt be an accident and it certainly wouldnt be a great loss!
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jokes
Sept 7, 2005 12:25:06 GMT -5
Post by milwdavex on Sept 7, 2005 12:25:06 GMT -5
Twist, you're a noob. Prolly telling it wrong since I've only heard the whole joke once, but it's a classic.
IT's the first day of school and the kids all pile into the classroom. The teacher says the first thing they will do is tell the class something exciting that happened over they summer vacation. The kids come up to the front of the class, all telling stories of summer camp and going to the beach. Johnny puts his hand up and the teacher calls him to the front of the class. "Me and my dad, we was gunna put on a fireworks show for my family on the 4th of July. My dad had me set up da bottle rockets and he was gettin some other stuff outta da trunk of da car. If found a lighter on da ground so i lit a bottle rocket and it went right up my dad's ass!" The teachers gasps and hurries to correct Johnny's swearing. "Rectum!" Johnny just replies, "Rectum? I damn near killed'em!"
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jokes
Sept 10, 2005 5:06:38 GMT -5
Post by Twistyville on Sept 10, 2005 5:06:38 GMT -5
lol yeah heard that one but in different text something about racing dogs or some shit.. hey why do kid jokes always involve little johnny ?
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jokes
Sept 10, 2005 17:29:56 GMT -5
Post by Daniel Mushahsd on Sept 10, 2005 17:29:56 GMT -5
Because if it involved little susy,. it might turn you on and make you a pedophile
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jokes
Sept 10, 2005 19:57:22 GMT -5
Post by Twistyville on Sept 10, 2005 19:57:22 GMT -5
Spose...
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jokes
Sept 10, 2005 22:49:36 GMT -5
Post by Daniel Mushahsd on Sept 10, 2005 22:49:36 GMT -5
These two bums are sitting in an alley, counting thier change... they come up with $1.05 "How can we get booze for a buck!?!?" "don't worry, I got an idea.. gimmi your change" The bum hands him his change and the other bum goes and buys a hot dog "WHAT HE HELL ARE YOU DOING SPENDING OUR LAST BUCK ON A HOT DOG!" "Don't worry, I got a plan, come with me" They go into a bar and the bum with the hot dog orders up a couple shots. "What are you doing? when he finds out we can't pay, he's gonna beat us up!" "trust me, when he comes to get the cash, start sucking the hot dog" "what?" "just trust me" They down the shots, as as the bar tender starts walking to them with the bill, the bum sticks the hot dog in his pants and pushes the other bum's face into his lap. The other bum starts sucking the hot dog. The bartender, seeing this, starts screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PUB YOU FUCKEN FAGGOTS" Well, now the other bum is sold on the idea "That was great! Lets go to another bar" So they continue this practice bar after bar after bar, each time they would order shots, and when the bartender started comming, the one bum would suck on the hot dog A couple hours later, they are back in the alley, drunk off their minds, laughing about thier good fortune "that was a great Idea you had dude" "yea, never drank so much before.. and all for FREE" "yea ::hick::: I'm pretty drunk too! Say, we're done for the night.. wanna split that hot dog for dinner?" "Hot dog?" "yea.. the hot dog you got earlier" "Oh, that... I ate that after the second bar"
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jokes
Sept 11, 2005 17:05:32 GMT -5
Post by milwdavex on Sept 11, 2005 17:05:32 GMT -5
That's gross.... funny, but gross.
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jokes
Sept 12, 2005 9:22:41 GMT -5
Post by Twistyville on Sept 12, 2005 9:22:41 GMT -5
Lol That was a true story dan?
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jokes
Sept 15, 2005 22:03:57 GMT -5
Post by numba1stunna on Sept 15, 2005 22:03:57 GMT -5
A guy gets a job as a lumberjack. After a few days he gets pretty bored and asks the main guy what people do for fun around here. THe man says go about a mile down this path and take a right, there is a barrel there with a hole in it... You'll know what to do. SO the guy goes and comes back sayin how much he enjoyed that. THe main guys response was, alright but its your turn in the barrel next week.
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jokes
Sept 15, 2005 22:04:43 GMT -5
Post by numba1stunna on Sept 15, 2005 22:04:43 GMT -5
Relating to the topic of the gay joke posted by HIM
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jokes
Sept 15, 2005 22:11:34 GMT -5
Post by Daniel Mushahsd on Sept 15, 2005 22:11:34 GMT -5
Sick fuck... didn't think you had it in ya lol... oh well, guess our little mascot isn't as pure as we thought. lmfao
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Sept 15, 2005 22:34:02 GMT -5
Post by Daniel Mushahsd on Sept 15, 2005 22:34:02 GMT -5
This guy was a well to do socalite, big mansion, servents, the whole nine yards. He had a parrot though that kept flying down the road and fucking the chickens kept by the guy down there. Sick and tired of getting emberrising calls, this guy strapped the parrot down to it's stick. The parrot knawed and knawed, and when it got free, sure enough, went and started fucking the chickens. The guy strapped the parrot down again after dealing with the pissed off chicken owner, and yelled at the parrot "YOU FUCK THOSE CHICKENS ONE MORE TIME I'LL SHAVE YOUR HEAD"
With a party comming up soon, the guy had an animal trainer in to teach the parrot to announce the guests. This would be great he thought, to impress his friends. Well, at one point, the trainer had the parrot untied and he flew off to go fuck chickens. Getting the parrot back, the guy shaved it bald, compleatly pissing the parrot off, but shocking it into behaving.
The night of the party, the guests arived. The butler would call out "ANNOUNCING MR. AND MS. HELFIELD" the parrot would call out "ANNOUNCING MR. AND MS. HELFIELD"
The butler would call out "ANNOUNCING MS RIENQUIST" The parrot in turn shouted "ANNOUNCING MS. RIENQUIST"
As the party was just about filled, a bald guy walked in and handed the butler his coat, before the butler could say anything, the parrot screamed " HEY YOU CHICKEN FUCKER, GET OVER HERE WITH THE REST OF US"
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